I have often wondered of this question, What's my tolerance quotient?. As I find my inner self struggling to find answer to that question, that one question gives birth to many many more complex ones and the brain recognizes a cyclical mesh.
The question of tolerance quotient is so influenced by complex group of factors that carry equal weightage,
- the state of mind you are in (frustrated, happy, sad, dull and blank or inquisitive)
- the situation on hand (a mistake by own self, a mistake of someone else, a forced situation, an unhappy moment, disagreements with another sole person or a group of persons on the 'right and wrong thing')
- the frequency of occurrence of the situation (same or similar) and funnily another tolerance level to the factor, which is, what frequency is acceptable for you? and
- your anticipation of the outcome of the situation on hand and the level of disagreement with other(s) on the outcome impact. Disagreement with other(s) is generally on the impact of the situation, as petty or serious.
As I put these words together, I recollect an incident that best explains the above. It was a fine morning and the routine had set in just like any other day for the working mother, my friend. She had done her cooking course, packed the lunches for husband, kid and self, done the breakfast for all, attended the official mails and calls that planned her another busy day. As the irony always works, its one of those tensed days at work when her phone rang and her husband bombarded her. He said, "you have defaulted the term fees for the kid. I received the call from school, how embarrassing you made me feel. How do they employ you at work, you one inefficient kind.....". She is obviously upset not only about defaulting the fees but also about those words from her husband while her inner-self says, "that's very unreasonable, if I am the mother, he is the father and the responsibility is equal, how can he blame me for this".
With those mixed feelings, she accepts her colleagues offer for a tea break. She sits silent with her tea mug at the office pantry and one of her office mate asks her, "hey! whats wrong with you, all's well?". It was one of her most dependable friend so she narrates the incident. Her friend makes her feel better as always, given the fact that this only a temporary consolation. Her friend said, "oh! come-on, is this the first time for you, my child is in her higher secondary and I don't remember the number of times I have done this. See, its not that big mistake, it happens to all of us".
Later that evening, she approaches her still angry husband quoting what happened in office and also trying to be submissive considering that, after-all it was a mistake she is party to as well. However, she only lands up hearing more from him, as if, his office work and the tension it gives are unmanageable and she must be aware of that and that it was her duty as a responsible wife to unburden him of the family responsibilities.
From the above incident, it is quiet visible that the wife's tolerance level is much higher and the husband's is much lower and they are at two opposite ends of the rating scale. But wait, lets not conclude here picturing the man to be the worst human being. As I already said, the level of tolerance is influenced by those many complex factors.
It was a worst day for the man as he was facing a situation of losing his job and was terribly tensed when this call from the school interfered in. And the moment he cut the line from school he happened to call his wife. The rest of his day at work was also not that very pleasant and there comes the end of the day with arguments and disappointments between the husband and wife. This is often the day-to-day life that is being run by many families that I know and I have heard. But the truth is, its not a new world, even for our parents and theirs its the same world they lived in. However, what is changed is the pace at which we learn, we grow. While we have leaned to move fast paced we have not learned to handle the pressure it comes with. That is were your, 'Tolerance Quotient' takes great importance.
Today, we are in a world of 'STRESS' and women take as much responsibility at work as men do. After-all women also go through the same amount of hardship and mostly more than men to make their career and grow in it. The family and business relationships are often broken early due to low tolerance and stress outburst. The truth of standing by troubled times and strengthening the relationships is getting forgotten in this fast and competitive stressed world where there is increasing lack of trust.
When you are dumped in situations that test your tolerance, spend few lone moments closing your eyes and taking a deep breath also digesting the situation your in. When you calm down, the mind reflects a more calm reaction and often has the solutions found. This way, you avoid shifting your panic and unpleasantness to people around you which in-effect worsens the situation you are in. Learn to improve your tolerance quotient, learn to love and trust and stand by the people you trust, 'cos its a madly stressed world you are in!
