Learning to Embrace Change!

Change in Life - Don't Endure it, Embrace it.

 A change can be positive or negative. While a positive change is looked forward to, anything negative invites, resistance and/or reluctance as the immediate reaction.

Body, Mind, and Soul are the strong three elements that makes you what you are and each of it takes its time to accustom to a change.

Body – For your body, something as simple as a change in diet would mean, your body will take time to adjust to it.

Mind - Everything is so connected to your mind including changes to your body and your mind is tuned to alert change. A mind has been programmed to trigger every part of you to the fact of change asking you to assess how to take it, beneficial or not. It is when the mind concludes or accustoms itself, an acceptance comes. This can be mere acceptance or the mind changing course to react to the change sadly apprehensively or aggressively.   

Soul – This is the most powerful of the three elements. And even for the soul, a change is something new to be assessed for the benefit. A soul is the inner being which is a universe by itself and if I delve into it, this blog will take a spiritual direction.

So, for now, let us limit ourselves to the fact that, we take time to accept a change.

In a way, we actually forget how to adapt to change as we grow older and our little kids are actually more experienced to handle situations of change better than us. I would say, the small children are our teachers in reminding us on how to react to change. In a simple scenario of a nursery child changing school, the child is full of energy and goes without any apprehensions getting ready for something new. If the same child was to change school after he/she grows, the reaction could probably be of, “Sadness” say for losing friends or “Fear” of acceptance or “Frustration” of physical or mental discomfort.

Basically, as we grow older our “Mind” tends to send more caution signals instead of signals of excitement. Eventually, it starts predicting the outcomes to change. This is also due to the fact that, experiences gained over time makes the mind to build expectation over every change and with expectations comes the fear of failure or disappointment. All the excitement of getting something new for the little child in us was because of how the little mind does not conclude an outcome and it only welcomes the idea of something new. So the key here is, predicting an outcome and that too to be a negative outcome is an unhealthy way of making our Three Elements receive a Change.   

Does this mean, we should be happy to receive each and every change? Let us say, an accident caused a temporary disability to walk. Even this is a change. Can this be received happily? of course, it cannot be. This situation is sad, however, the reality is that the situation is real and the person needs to have the ability to embrace the change. So what do we mean here to embrace a change?

It is fairly simple,

Step 1 – Acknowledge the fact of change:

Have the reality check to acknowledge a change. While the example of an accident is having a physical impact, acknowledgment is automatic. However, in most situations that impact the emotional state, the human mind first resists to the change and lacks acknowledgment. Instead, the mind attempts to avoid the thought of it and the more it avoids the more it thinks and gets stressed. So eventually all the Three Elements are stressed. So the obvious first step is to acknowledge a change.  

Step 2 - Assess the change:
Once the mind acknowledges it is already programmed by the Law of Nature to assess the consequences of the change. The only issue here is that, if the acknowledgment was a stressful process and the mind has taken a long time over it, then, it has experienced negative emotions and as a result, it would predict negative outcomes as part of its assessment to change. Hence, take your Step 2 with a caution that your mind is under influence of stress or has been impacted by stress.

An important way of embracing a change is to free the mind of stress by reiterating the acknowledgment to change and to enable the mind to assess what the change brings with it as an experience for the three elements. The measure to assessing a change is not by predicting negative outcomes but by evaluating the benefits and challenges it brings along to the body, mind and/or soul. List down all the benefits and the challenges the change brings to make a healthy assessment of the change.

Step 3 – Design the Managing Strategy:
Once you have listed down the benefits and challenges its time to decide how you want to manage the change. I would not call it an acceptance to change here. Managing does not mean you must endure the pain of a change to your three elements. Let us say, your body shows signs of illness with the change in diet. You will continue it? No.  Likewise, a life-changing situation is causing emotional pain, you want to endure it? No. But there is a level of acceptance to the change that is happening that you must prepare your body, mind, and soul for. Because, if it’s a diet you volunteered yourself for then you can change it. But if you have been mandated for your health reasons, you need to take the diet even if you do not like it. Hence designing a strategy for managing the change is your step towards embracing it. Develop a strategy for managing the change and your key here is that, your three elements should not suffer. Build some level of acceptance to the change and also try and find alternative ways of managing that makes your three elements generate more positive energy and gives a sense of satisfaction. That is the key to how you approach managing the change. At the end of each day when you go through a change circumstance make a self-assessment of your day. For what went wrong, just get your learning out of it and do not carry any sense of hurt or guilt or discomfort. Keep your thoughts and intent positive and to the benefit of your body, mind, and soul and do not allow for negative emotions to affect the health of your body, mind, and soul. This is the managing strategy that will bring ultimate success. It does not matter if you are running last in the race because what matters is who comes first in the end.     

Step 4 – Act or React:
The strategy guides your mind, body, and soul on how to act or react to the change and if you have done your Step 1 to Step 3 right, you would act or react to a change in the most positive way which gives your three elements excitement and/or contentment. You have Embraced the Change.

This approach can be applied, be it a life-changing circumstance you have volunteered for or have been forced into. In the end, it is all about how you embrace it into your life. Keep in mind, the human knows his capacity the most when life challenges him/her and your performance is measured by how you embraced it.  

  

 

Live for the Moment! Why do they always say this?

Live for the Moment! While this can be said not often done. It depends on the what stage your life has set for you right now. When you are so busy chasing your routine, be it job, relationship, kids, finances, mortgages and more, you never think much. In fact, you do not have time to think. Then something changes and it affects your routine. It can be anything as small as a need to shift to a new apartment or as big as job loss or relationship issues. your life takes a jolt and you are affected.

Now, how much do you get affected? Depending on how important the issue that concerns you is, you get affected.

You could be just showing a grumpy face around or you could express your mood swings to people around you . You could even get to level of having rude interactions with known and unknown people who cross your way during that time. Your behavior continues until your problem is solved. Did you realise, eventually, you have created more problems than you can imagine during this time when you have been purely focused on solving that one issue that has significantly impacted your mind?.

You have probably annoyed your partner/kids and given them a bunch of bad memories to carry for the rest of their lives. You have probably ruined the mood of people who you interacted with is causing the same cyclical effect as yours and spreading so quickly. I come to think of a metaphor here, which is the flu called 'Common Cold'. The one that is absolutely annoying, spreads so quickly, and people refrain from coming near you. This is exactly the similar situation you create with your expression and interaction if you allow your problems to reflect your behavior.

Do you know the irony here, in a lot of times, the issues around you are so much beyond your control that there is very little you can do. If you take a moment to think the last time you were under crisis/problem that was resolved subsequently, and your actions and reactions during that time, you can understand me clearly. And, let me tell you, during that time, you had two choices. Either to create more problems or just allow the storm to pass without causing further damages or fresh problems.

Its quiet rightly said, 'Live for the Moment'. No matter what stage of life you are in, what are the problems (small/big) you have. Allow that storm to settle on its own. Get familiar with your situation, do not create an aversion to it. Learn to let the issue park itself somewhere around your life which you acknowledge and would give your best effort, BUT, you LIVE THE CURRENT MOMENT.

Be happy especially when you are in interaction with people or any of natures beautiful creations. Learn to be light. When this Life is over, these precious moments are also gone. You can choose to keep thinking of things that bother you and lose these precious moments or live in the moment and capture a memory. And, by the way, unknowingly you are adding something here. You are not spreading 'Common Cold' and instead, you are spreading more smiles into others life as much as you add to your own.

I know, it is easier said than done, but, 'give it a try'. Since you actually tend to gain by trying. 'Be Happy - Live for the Moment'

Pride and Prejudice

Pride and Prejudice
Whats your Pride & what you Prejudice? 

The inseparable pair that has forever caught the attention of the literature legends. The words that have been crowned most prestigious honor starting from William Shakespeare to Jane Austin.

Such a classic example of prejudice at work is, if your mind has thought about love and relationship as the discussion for this blog. But, hold your thoughts right there. This blog is to discuss 'Pride and Prejudice' in our day to day lives with non-intimate relationships.

When I use the term 'Pride' it can mean different to different individuals. It can mean 'self esteem', but it can also mean 'ego' and 'arrogance'. It can mean 'self respect', but can also mean 'self importance'. Intimate relationships are most often intertwined with this crown jewel partners, 'Pride' and 'Prejudice' and this blog is about non-intimate relationships and their behaviors while this ardent pair of 'Pride and Prejudice' show themself up.

As humans we always judge other humans. It is part of our behavior to do so. Now, just think of an individual you like the most and the one you hate the most.  What is the immediate thing that comes to your mind about their pride?

Most common thought,

• "That gentle man, a one to be respected" or "That guy, an absolute egoist" 
• "That Lady! what a fine, women" or "That Lady! such an arrogant individual"

So, what you just did is an assessment of their 'Pride' which is 'Prejudiced' by your judgement.

My dear reader, please take a moment to read and experiment this again by imaging two individuals who currently impact your life the most. It could be your boss or your next door neighbor, your trainer or your teacher. It could be anyone. Once you experiment your view about them, just delve over what you just did.

(Once you have done your experiment....read on....)

Again, I repeat myself. What you just did is an assessment of their 'Pride' which is 'Prejudiced' by your judgement. A judgement that is formed based on your interactions life offered under various circumstances.

What just happened is that, your pattern of experience brought up an interpretation of the individual to you. An assessment of the individual's pride that is prejudiced your judgement. And most often, once a judgment is made you do not change it. In other words, this is why, an individual is often seen to behave different with different people. Sometimes, you want to change the way things work with an individual. Your mind tends to ask you, why things always go wrong with this individual? And sometimes, you want to change the way it works. It is not with everyone you meet and have to interact that you want to change the way it works. It is not with the ones that you want to continue your interactions with. So, if its your trainer, you can ask for a different one.  Just in case it is your boss? its probably an interaction that you want to go right. If it does not work and if your mind has already given up then your options are limited. Either of you should get a job change. But, before you give up, how much have your tried? If you feel you want to give another try, and even if your answer is a 'may be', then, all you need is a change in perspective. 

You must clear your mind of all your judgements about the individual at this moment. Then, when you are ready, see if you can change your perception.  This may not be easy in the beginning, since you have already established a pattern of interaction and the routine of hate or like approach has already been set with the individual. However its worth the try if you can erase your judgement and do not take it personally on your own pride. Your experiences so far with the individual is your strength of information to understand the individual(s) behavioral pattern. 

If ever in your career you carried a perception that, 'anything I do, my boss will complain so why waste my time and effort' and this had developed into your routine, you would have started failing in your performance appraisals.  In such cases, most often your opinion of your boss is that, he/she is forever complaining and never satisfied.

I want to bring a little change in perspective here. Can we say that, you may have prejudiced your judgement based on your experience pattern to assess the 'pride' of your boss. Once that is done, that moment you signed up for your failure because, everything else is a vicious circle of events impacted with frustrations, loss of trust and underperformance. While these establish a pattern of failure events the resultant is that, one day you tend to change your job or may be even tend to lose your job. Here, you can question to say that, your judgement of your boss is also the general perception among your peers. But, simply because everyone thinks in the same way does not mean it has to be true?. For argument sake even if it is true, why did you allow your professionalism to be compromised simply because your boss is a jerk?

While it is easier said than done to be self motivated, it is important to remember that, you should not fail because of another individual(s) behavior or their perception about you. Success comes to the one who fights all odds with dedication and commitment. To be successful is up to you and you cannot blame it on others. The simple truth here is, it is your own pride and prejudice that can cause your failure. Learn from your failure and be mindful of your pride and do not prejudice your mind of others pride. Stay committed and achieve success.